We lost a son, brother, husband, dad, uncle, nephew, cousin and friend on Christmas Eve. It feels like there are not any words for this, but yet we have heard so many good words. Words of comfort, but also of recognition and love.
Tom was my son. Unfortunately, he became one of millions of people who must deal with a cancer diagnosis. He fought this diagnosis for 5 long years. The last year being the hardest. Tom also lost some of himself that year. A shadow of the great person that we all knew and loved. But he still fought until his body just couldn't keep on any longer. I like to think that he died peacefully on his way home after a family gathering. Even tho the ER worked to bring him back, God had mercy and helped Tom down the road to what had been promised to him.
Yes....Loss and Peace.
Going back to that Christmas Eve, Tom's entire family gathered at the hospital as word was shared that we had lost him. There were lots of tears and hugs between his parents, his wife, his children, his sister, his niece and nephews, his brother in laws, his mother & father in law (who were all definately more than in laws to him). There were 15 of us there supporting each other and loving Tom.
Yes....Loss and Peace.
We each had an opportunity to visit with Tom afterwards there in the ER. Hold his hand, stroke his face, a kiss to the forehead. Some last messages to him as he was leaving us. I believe he knew we were all there.
Yes....Loss and Peace.
But still disbelief and numbness that this could have happened. Just like that, we would no longer hear his voice, hug him, ask his advice, tell him our latest goings on.
It was hard to sleep that night.
Our family still gathered for our Christmas day. Tom would have wanted us to. We missed him but we needed to be together and we managed to laugh and have a good day. The harder days yet to come.
Yes....Loss and Peace.
Chapter 1 - The week after was filled with the necessary meetings to make funeral arrangements. His wife, myself , his sister and his mother in law all contributed to these decisions with all the love that we each have for him. Guided by a funeral director who also was a friend of Tom's and his family. It was decided to have a day for receiving family and friends followed by a service the next day at Tom's church.
Chapter 2 - We needed to be prepared for what was expected to be a large amount of visitors. Why? Because Tom touched so many in his life. He was active in his community, his children's activities, his church, he touched many lives beyond what we even knew. He served in all of these arenas. The day was a constant flow of people wanting to pay their respects. We saw people who were from our past and relatives we could not see as often as we wanted. People who needed to reach out as much as we needed them to. I personally heard stories of Tom that I never knew because he just didn't share them. He was not one to boast, he was humble that way.
It was hard to sleep that night.
Chapter 3 - New Years Eve day. The family gathered at the church and visited with Tom one last time before the service. That was a hard one. To think we could never see his smiling face again. He had a great smile. The service was filled with love. HIs sister doing a reading from Tom's personal bible. His three children spoke with a maturity and emotion that made us smile and cry, they loved him so. And his wife, she held us all to her in her sorrow but helped us to accept and understand with a love that only she could have for him.
Chapter 4 - Two days after the service we held a family only service at Tom's graveside. The minister said about this being a hard chapter today. My reply was that yes with each one harder than the last. The funeral director jokingly said that Tom must have been playing a final joke on us. The weather. It could not have been a colder, snowier, windier day in January. Thank you Tom for the weather that created yet another humorous story. My van almost could not make it to the gravesite. We had six guys pushing it to finally make it up a small slippery grade. Two of them sliding out of sight in the process. Tom would have appreciated that one with a witty comment. But we prevailed. The service was very nice. The minister ended by giving Tom's wife, his dad and I each a white rose with some wonderfully comforting personal words to each of us. Tom's sister's husband gave a very heartfelt moving eulogy saying that he would remember Tom like an oak tree and the acorns his legacy and the squirrels his humor.
As we left Tom, we each laid a white rose next to his beautiful blue urn which will be buried on the slope of a gentle hill looking out over a beautiful view of rolling farmland. He will like that.
Yes... Loss and Peace.
We love you Tom and will miss you.
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