It's been one year since our son passed away last Christmas Eve. I didn't know how I would feel this year. Of course I expected to miss him, but the absence hasn't been as acutely painful as it might have been. For me, I think that is because I am a more accepting type, but also because I truly feel like he has found the reward of a life well lived. He was a Christian man who fully believed and acted on his beliefs but in an understated way. He just lived and shared it everyday. I managed to place some holiday greenery at his grave in between snowstorms. That was my saddest day.
So, amazingly, this year has been the least stressful Christmas season for me in many years. Yes, I still had all of the same things to accomplish, shopping, decorating, wrapping, baking. Despite thoughts that I should start to cut back a bit. I managed to start right after the Thanksgiving holiday and slowly advanced thru the lists. Before I knew it, I was finished with days to spare. I was satisfied with the gifts I bought, my tree was beautiful, and all of my baking turned out perfectly (after a few years of dismal failures). We did fit in a few activities. We always go to our son's home to help decorate their tree, all of the girls in the family spent one afternoon making scented candles, we attended our youngest grandson's holiday band concert and we had a candlelight concert scheduled to attend with our daughter and husband that sadly was cancelled due to snow. We went to Christmas Eve church with all of the family. Even the weather cooperated that night, although warmer than usual but who can complain about that! Once home from church, we sat down to watch my favorite Christmas movie, It's A Wonderful Life.
A relaxed Christmas morning came along and I helped my husband get ready for his day. The only thing I needed to cook was the ham, but it would come later in the afternoon. Family began arriving about 2:30 and slowly my quiet house began to fill with the much loved voices of my kids, which of course includes my in law kids, and grandkids and family dogs. My cats hid upstairs. Excitement and happiness was in the air. One grandson and granddaughter were home from college, the others attend school and college locally, and a married granddaughter was in from Wisconsin with her husband. We live in PA, by the way. Our dining room table filled up with everyone's favorite goodies and some new ones. Each household contributed something. So much to choose from.
My grandkids had heard the they were each getting a large gift bag for Christmas. Soon I was hearing about them trying to figure out what it could be and my theme for this year. I didn't know I had one! But I can see why they thought this. It all started because a few of them wanted new coats.. I bought two and then a third and the thought struck me that I would get each of them one, my theme it turns out. So 7 new coats later and I think we have a new memory made, remember the year Grammy & Pappa bought us all coats! We also had a few unusual gifts given, a Globe and a Vinyl record album, along with the ever present Lego and xbox controllers. We framed a few of my husband's photographs for a grandson's apartment, giving him a taste of home. Clothing did top the list tho, ever since they all grew up they seem to like getting more clothes for Christmas, who would have predicted that! My husband passed along some well used tools to his son in law received with a great big smile. As a book lover, I was happy to see books were high on the list also. We also fill stockings. This year along with the mandatory traditional tangerine that I always get teased about, I chose an ornament for each person from my many favorites that just don't fit on my tree anymore.
After dinner, we all played a game or two, which can get a little crazy, but very fun! And we also held the annual pickle hunt. My daughter has been trying to be the first to find it for many years without success, due mainly to her brother's early success and the grandkids recent successes, but this was her year. Needless to say she was very excited.
Soon it was time for everyone to go home. And my house was soon emptier and quiet once again.
All in all, a very nice Christmas. We each missed our son, their brother, her husband, their father, and their uncle in our own way. But he was still there for us and always will be.
